Do we put what we would normally do when we are single on a shelf to put our attention to a relationship? Should we establish "me" time in relationships? Or do we have to date people with very similar interests to make it work?
As I've entered true single life again, I realized how much more I am doing. Maybe I was always doing the same amount? But maybe they were coupled decisions.
For example, I love to read and I've been going through books fast! I make way more time to read - and when I think back, I always had a book with me at my partners place, but rarely did I get the time. I was made to feel like I wasn't present, doing something together, so I didn't.
My script has made leaps and bounds in the matter of months, compared to the year I was in a relationship. I would always have to carve out a few minutes or hours whenever I could, so it wasn't too much away from our couple time. Now I can sit and spend hours. I am ecstatic to say it is almost done!
I am spending the time on this blog, and I am enjoying it - something I tried too over a year ago but ultimately did not have the time to put the effort in.
When I first moved to Orange County, the goal was always to move too LA. When I started seeing someone I really liked there, I lost sight of my goal and it hit a pause button for a while.
Do we loose our freedom to make decisions? To decide what we want to do? Does it distract us from our goals? Or does being in the "right" relationship negate this?
For the record - these items I left on the shelf, these parts of me, I couldn't find them with a flick of a finger, I needed to work for them. I needed to re-find myself in a way. Literally ask myself, what makes me happy? What do I want to do? It is almost foreign at first, when you don't do that for so long. Crazy, right. I had to declutter my head. You do this by making self care a priority and learning to enjoy your own company.
Ultimately, I don't know the right answer. I would say yes, we are going to have to shelf part of us. Entering a partnership, things need to be decided together and you make time for that person. But I think it is a fine line before you make the mistake of loosing yourself to fit in a relationship. You might think this is hard to do, but it's not. It happens gradually over time. There needs to be a balance. It is important to check in with yourself, make sure you are assessing where you are, where you want to be, and any changes you want to make for yourself.
My advice: stick to doing you. Don't shelf any part of yourself. We can find the right person who wants us for that single person they met. Isn't that what attracted them to us? That we want to accomplish many things. Well, that takes TIME! Hopefully the right partner will understand the time you need to do you and encourage your goals.
And in the meantime here are 9 Ways Being Single Can Improve Your Life.
Kenny
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