For a long time I was always the type of person that was on the go - had to have plans, had to be at the popular party/concert/event, hang out with people, be out - go, go, go! And don't get me wrong, it was really fun. I have great memories from that time. But now looking back, when you are in that GO place - you don't take the time to reflect, you don't give yourself that "me" time.
I started too, I stopped going out, was starting to get to know myself and acknowledge I was not always doing what I wanted too. Then I got into a relationship. I think some would call it a "toxic" one. Ultimately, I allowed a lot of control, and was putting someone else's needs before my own. I did not even realize I was doing it. I believe in relationships there definitely has to be compromise, but to an extent. Not to the point where you are always just trying to make the other person happy.
Fast forward to now - I am in a relationship with myself. I am learning to find peace and happiness with being alone (and it's not easy at first!). To go out and do things that make me happy, even if that means just that, doing it myself. I am the priority, I make sure when I am planning my days that I am including aspects that will help achieve my goals. Right now that includes time to read, write, workout, watch shows that I want too, eat where I want to eat, do what I want to do. I set boundaries with other people. I say 'no' to plans. I check-in with how I really feel. It has been so empowering and refreshing. I feel happier, stronger, and accomplished. I have put myself in situations like going to dinner, a movie, and a play, by myself. At first it was frightening; what are people going to think, what am I going to do? And what I realized, it was totally fine. If not, better! I am on my own schedule, doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted too. PS. The more you do it, the more it becomes "normal" to you.
I believe the best way to start this type of relationship with yourself is to journal. For some reason writing down your feelings, what is going on in your life, will open more doors and help you acknowledge what you want to keep doing, and what you want to change. Also when starting this journey it is important to have compassion for yourself. At times, I am my own worst critic. Telling myself I am not doing enough, I wanted to be further along in a project I am working on or as simple as I wish I worked out harder at the gym that day. We need to acknowledge our wins, and what we did do, be proud of that and stray away from the negative internal dialogue.
I specifically wanted to write this post after I heard Miley Cyrus's new song "Flowers" - I loved the lyrics (and I buy myself flowers all of the time).
"I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can"
And it's true. We can love our self better than 99% of people can. As you have probably heard many times, "how are you going to love someone else before you love yourself?" I think the better way to phrase this is, you need to love and have a strong relationship with yourself before you can attract a successful relationship with a partner.
4 Reasons why your relationship with yourself matters - PsychCentral
Better relationships with others
Improved mental health
More productivity
Better problem solving
Get to know yourself. Stop pleasing other people. It's easier to make decisions for yourself when you step away from the people who have the most influence in your life. From my experience there are a lot of people and a lot of relationships you can get into that will steer you away from that strong relationship with yourself. I am learning that it is a conscious effort to grow and maintain a relationship with yourself. My hope - when it is so strong, no toxic friend or relationship will enter your life since you already know what not to put up with.
Kenny
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